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This is a moderated blog is a project of the Ruth Institute. Have a story to share? We're listening.
Posted on: Thursday, March 04, 2021
I was a lesbian for 22 years. Then I lived as a female to male transsexual for 17 years before detransitioning back to female.
My name is Maritza. I was born in Havana, Cuba. My mother was given a form of estrogen to prevent miscarriages. She was able to carry me to term, but not without ramifications. I dealt with health issues, from asthma to reproductive female issues. I was not your average female. I had a deeper voice, bad menses, and a slew of emotional and neurological instabilities.
I was sexually molested from age 8 to 12. My parents were dysfunctional, particularly my father, who was an abusive, alcoholic control freak.My mother was emotionally incapable of dealing with me. She was an ill woman and was spoiled by my grandmother.
Many of our childhood traumas come back to haunt us as adults. Unresolved emotional issues show themselves in various facets of disassociation and grief, to the point where we create poor coping skills to mask the pain. I believe same sex attraction stems from rejection, sexual abuse, and a mother or father wound. I’ve seen this not only in myself, but in many others.
If we’ve been hurt, we engage in a behavior that allows us to run away from who we are. Instead of being angry at the person who mistreated us, we blame ourselves. We self-harm. We see our self as not good enough; therefore, an alteration of our character, to include mannerism, gender or sexual expression, rises.
We try to fix the situation by creating an alternative person attracted to the same sex, so we do not have to repeat the scenario that took place with our parent. Many try to replace that parent with a same-sex partner. No one in their right and balanced mind would choose to gender swap or be same-sex attracted. This is done out of despair and in attempt to "fix" a situation.
There is no objective finding to prove that we are born gay. This new gender craze is based on nothing more than junk science and a rather crafty marketing scheme. There is a dark agenda behind it, led by the elites, who are trying to bring in a brave new world.
So how did I get to where I am today? After all, I had bought the lies and believed the gender craze. I advocated for the trans community, did the TV circuit, and even wrote a book called, The Mirror Makes No Sense. I believed that I was born wrong. Years of research, however, led me to understand that there is no evidence that anyone is born wrong or that there is a nature within that makes you gay. We are programmed by our creator to be heterosexual, so where does this paradigm come from? Our fallen nature and our need to fix things.
From all the failed relationships and lack of true happiness came the realization that the life I chose had lots of holes in it. You begin to think that feeling this way is normal. You fight for it. You claim others are wrong, but when you dive into the real essence of it, you realize that it is all based on lies.
I believe that the Father, our creator, used my situation to awaken me to the truth. I was in several relationships with trans women who still had their male parts. And although I was repulsed at one point by men, due to the sexual molestation and the aggressive alcoholic father, being with transwomen helped heal those wounds. In some strange way, I no longer feared men. I was also healed from my same sex attraction.
Today people claim all sorts of disorders, none of which have any biological nature but are psychological and situational. But politicians have an agenda to push. There are medications to be sold and procedures to be had. The corruption of society is quite the circus, one I am glad to no longer be part of.
I am in gratitude to my savior, who through his patience, love and persistence, allowed my chains to be broken. I no longer identify as a lesbian. I no longer want to be seen as a man. I am content to be the daughter of the Most High, here help others break free from the programming and brain washing the trans agenda has to offer.
I want people to know that there is hope. If they want healing and ask the Father for guidance, they will find it. Without a shadow of a doubt, no one is born wrong, and God does not make mistakes. The adversary toils with your pain, places bad ideas in your mind and heart, and will make you believe lies. You owe it to yourself to learn the real you, to realize that life was not meant to be as hard as you make it. Let him take control and heal you once and for all.
Posted on: Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Sexual abuse by a pornography-addicted family member, mistrust in men, toxic homosexual relationships filled with every form of abuse to the point of almost dying, promiscuity, codependency, drugs and alcohol use to numb the pain, depression, anxiety, suicide attempts to escape the empty existence I was trapped in. These catastrophic chain of events rippled on and left me lost, broken, hopeless, hating myself, hating the so called “God” for all that I had endured.
That was the “life” I knew.
Until one night, a vehicle crash left my truck filling with water at the bottom of a lake. Unable to escape, I cried out to the God I no longer believed in. There He met me, in the middle of my pain and brokenness. Face to face with my Savior. Filled with peace and feeling His love in that moment. He broke me free from the death I was staring at. That began the journey to truth, healing, and deliverance from decades of damage to my body, heart, and soul. And despite my hesitancy to relinquish complete control of my life to Him, from that night on, He pursued me patiently but persistently. Revealing to me slowly all the areas He wanted to heal with His love.
After that night, I let Him in but refused to change everything about my life or myself. Still not trusting men, I continued to hide in relationships with women but women who believed in God and went to church. Little did I know, He would never stop pursuing me and would use every person, circumstance, and even bad choice to continue to bring me to Him.
My second to last girlfriend, He used to bring me to the Catholic church where I would experience the peace and love I’d first felt a few years before at the bottom of that lake. My last girlfriend He used to reveal a heterosexual attraction. Every step of the way He removed another layer of brokenness and replaced it with healing, love, and truth.
Counseling, prayers, active involvement in the Sacraments continued to bring clarity and healing. Then one day a desire for marriage and family as God intended it, entered my soul. All the while, falling madly in love with my Creator who pursued me fervently and revealed His love for me. As He revealed His refusal to let go of me, I began to realize that I am not my past, my bad decisions, what happened to me, or what anyone else sees me as. I am His child, His daughter. I am a woman created by Him for a purpose, His purpose. I am loved, valued and have never felt more whole and complete as I do now in Him.
I am a survivor of the Sexual Revolution for many reasons, but am no longer a victim of Satan’s plan to destroy the world one person at a time by sexual sins. And now, I will be an advocate. What happened to me that started a downward spiral of self demise was not my fault, but I now make it my responsibility.
I want to spend the rest of my life fighting against the evil of the Sexual Revolution by sharing what happened to me and letting others know that healing and redemption is possible. The love, mercy, and goodness of the Lord brought healing and gave me a new, adventurous, joy filled life! I will advocate by sharing God’s goodness, encouraging chastity and purity in knowing your worth as a child of God, fighting for marriage between man and woman as God intended, for holy families who will go on to wage war against the evil in this broken world, fighting for the protection of children from sexual abuse, and spreading hope to those who are in the depths of despair. The cycle of pain and brokenness will continue and will worsen unless we do something! The evil one’s quiet whispers have been wreaking havoc long enough. Now is the time we as survivors must shout out and expose the lies, and lead others to see the truth.
Submitted by C.