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This is a moderated blog is a project of the Ruth Institute. Have a story to share? We're listening.
Posted on: Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Sexual abuse by a pornography-addicted family member, mistrust in men, toxic homosexual relationships filled with every form of abuse to the point of almost dying, promiscuity, codependency, drugs and alcohol use to numb the pain, depression, anxiety, suicide attempts to escape the empty existence I was trapped in. These catastrophic chain of events rippled on and left me lost, broken, hopeless, hating myself, hating the so called “God” for all that I had endured.
That was the “life” I knew.
Until one night, a vehicle crash left my truck filling with water at the bottom of a lake. Unable to escape, I cried out to the God I no longer believed in. There He met me, in the middle of my pain and brokenness. Face to face with my Savior. Filled with peace and feeling His love in that moment. He broke me free from the death I was staring at. That began the journey to truth, healing, and deliverance from decades of damage to my body, heart, and soul. And despite my hesitancy to relinquish complete control of my life to Him, from that night on, He pursued me patiently but persistently. Revealing to me slowly all the areas He wanted to heal with His love.
After that night, I let Him in but refused to change everything about my life or myself. Still not trusting men, I continued to hide in relationships with women but women who believed in God and went to church. Little did I know, He would never stop pursuing me and would use every person, circumstance, and even bad choice to continue to bring me to Him.
My second to last girlfriend, He used to bring me to the Catholic church where I would experience the peace and love I’d first felt a few years before at the bottom of that lake. My last girlfriend He used to reveal a heterosexual attraction. Every step of the way He removed another layer of brokenness and replaced it with healing, love, and truth.
Counseling, prayers, active involvement in the Sacraments continued to bring clarity and healing. Then one day a desire for marriage and family as God intended it, entered my soul. All the while, falling madly in love with my Creator who pursued me fervently and revealed His love for me. As He revealed His refusal to let go of me, I began to realize that I am not my past, my bad decisions, what happened to me, or what anyone else sees me as. I am His child, His daughter. I am a woman created by Him for a purpose, His purpose. I am loved, valued and have never felt more whole and complete as I do now in Him.
I am a survivor of the Sexual Revolution for many reasons, but am no longer a victim of Satan’s plan to destroy the world one person at a time by sexual sins. And now, I will be an advocate. What happened to me that started a downward spiral of self demise was not my fault, but I now make it my responsibility.
I want to spend the rest of my life fighting against the evil of the Sexual Revolution by sharing what happened to me and letting others know that healing and redemption is possible. The love, mercy, and goodness of the Lord brought healing and gave me a new, adventurous, joy filled life! I will advocate by sharing God’s goodness, encouraging chastity and purity in knowing your worth as a child of God, fighting for marriage between man and woman as God intended, for holy families who will go on to wage war against the evil in this broken world, fighting for the protection of children from sexual abuse, and spreading hope to those who are in the depths of despair. The cycle of pain and brokenness will continue and will worsen unless we do something! The evil one’s quiet whispers have been wreaking havoc long enough. Now is the time we as survivors must shout out and expose the lies, and lead others to see the truth.
Submitted by C.