Do you ever refer to your children as if they were yours alone?  As in, “I have two children,” or “my son in 8.”   I have learned to stop doing that.  “My” kids belong to my husband as much as to me.  Although it is no particular virtue or insight, just facing reality, it still took me a while to remember to say “My husband and I have two children,” or “Our son has just started college.”

I learned this from the Mother of God. Of all people, she would have had reason to refer to Jesus as “her” son, and kind of leave Joseph out of the picture. After all, he had no genetic relationship to Jesus. Joseph was “just” her cover story. But the Gospel suggests that she didn’t treat him as an after thought.

The Gospel reading for today, the Feast of the Holy Family, tells the story of the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple. Notice how the story continually refers to “the parents” of Jesus.  According to tradition, Luke’s source of information for the “Infancy Narrative” in these early chapters is Mary herself. She could have told everybody this story referring only to herself.   “Well, when I took Jesus to Jerusalem when he was 12…”  But she didn’t.  Or at least, Luke tells it as if she didn’t.

And when Mary does speak in this part of the Gospel, she refers to Joseph: “Son, why have you treated us so? Your father and I have been looking for you in sorrow.”  We may surmise that her habit was to include Joseph.

When I realized this a few years ago, I started making a point of always referring to the kids as “ours” instead of “mine.”  If it’s good enough for the Mother of God, it’s good enough for me.

Just facing reality.