One of my facebook friends is now a Real (not virtual) Friend: he came to Socrates in the City last night, and I got to actually shake his hand! Anyhow, he wrote me this thoughtful letter after the event. I thought I would share it with Ruth Readers, as it will give you an idea of what I talked about. Feel free to chime in with your ideas!
I had a few thoughts as you were speaking:
1) I thought that the woman who asked you about the biblical foundations of marriage as procreative wasn’t much of a Bible reader. As a Catholic, I teach my students that one of the most fundamental, but most overlooked dogmas of the Church is the Trinity. People know what Easter Sunday celebrates. They know Christmas. They have an idea of Pentecost. They think they know what the Immaculate Conception celebrates (most don’t), but Trinity Sunday leaves them dry. That’s too bad. It tells us about the fundamental nature of Gad and what that means for man.
God is One and God is Three. Since before the beginning of time, God has been in relationship. God was never been solitary. That tells us that mankind, created in the image and likeness of God, is called to relationship. The relationship of Father, Son, and Spirit is so complete, so intense, so effusive, that it creates. The world was not created as a plaything for God, as it was for the Greek and Roman gods. Instead, it is the natural result of the love of Father, Son and Spirit. The joy that a married couple experiences is effusive. We all share their joy. We like to be around a happily married couple. That joy is contagious. In the most intimate way, it creates another human life. As you said, it is a self donation that creates something beyond the two persons.
In this way, a married couple enters into the godlike activities of love and creation. What a marvelous thing!
2) As a teacher, I try to impart the importance of education. I tell my students that the purpose of education is to show you that someone else has invented the wheel, and you should be thankful. You don’t need to start from scratch. I have a computer to type without having to invent and then build the computer. My job is to take the repository of knowledge and take it further.
In our current time we have no past. As you wrote, we send our elderly to Florida. We think that, like Athena, we sprang up, fully grown, from Zeus’ skull. There is nothing we can learn from the past, since it is full of slave owners and racists. No other society has been as enlightened as ours, so why look at others? I remember when I was in college, one student in class said that he didn’t understand why we had to study St. Augustine. What could he say to today’s college students? I almost fell out of my chair. A young man who wouldn’t go to church with his mother and rebelled against his mother. A young man who hung out with his cool friends and thought that they knew more that his dull parent. A young man who was so impulsive that he fathered a child. Then, a man who found it all so empty. I think every college student could learn a lot from his life , if we weren’t so darned stubborn.
There’s a poster that says, “You’re unique, just like everyone else.” Ultimately, that’s a comfort. There is no experience that we will have that someone hasn’t had before, so there is always someone to learn from.
A quick look at history says that we mess with family structures to our own peril. These experiments in marriage are at our own peril.
3) A few years ago, my debaters studied feminism for a debate tournament. It was quite enlightening. During the 70’s there was a rejection of gender differences. Women could do everything men could. Do you remember Marlo Thomas’ record Free to Be You and Me?
In the 90’s all that changed. Feminists such as Katherine McKinnon said that there are inherent differences between men and women. Why aren’t there more female CEO’s? Because success in the business world is measured by who is more aggressive and competitive. These are masculine traits, so men will display them more. If we were to measure success by nurturing and caring, women would win. But, of course, measuring is competition, so men decide that we need to measure. If we removed measurements, women would do well, because women are more into inclusivity than exclusivity. Of course, if women were in charge, there would be no CEO’s because that that implies a hierarchy. And if women were in charge, there would be no one in charge because being in charge implies masculine traits of power. And it goes on in an infinite regression.
In the 70’s if you said that there were inherent gender differences, you were branded a male chauvinist pig. Now, if you deny these differences, you’re a sexist. Go figure.
Of course, the best example of this is the book, As Nature Made Him, about the tragic story of David Reimer, who was raised as a girl after a botched circumcision. The tragedy was that his doctor, John Money (nomen est omen) covered up the truth. David was never comfortable as Brenda. Although Brenda did not know her story, she never felt that she was a girl. She was hardwired in the brain to be a male.
We ignore gender differences at our own peril.
4) Your mention of utopianism and Gnosticism together was fascinating. I have always taught that most heresies are a form of Gnosticism. The work of salvation is hard. Not hard to learn, just hard. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Go to Church. Couldn’t we find an easier way? That’s Gnosticism! Just like learning a musical instrument, there is no easy way. Any method that promises an easier way is a false promise.
This week, in Latin class, we are discussing virtues. There are 7 Gifts of the Holy Spirit to counter the 7 Deadly Sins. The Deadly Sins are not actions, but propensities in each person that incline us to do evil. As long as I breathe, I will be under the influence of the 7 Deadly Sins. Marx, as you said, was looking for a utopia. He believed that to get utopia, the state needed to get rid of greed. Unfortunately, the only way to get rid if greed is to get rid of greedy people. That’s everyone! And of course, we can see how Stalin carried that one out. Utopians cause more destruction that anyone else, because the only way to get rid of sin is to get rid of sinners.
I have always said that I would much rather fall into the hands of the “big, bad, authoritarian” Catholic Church than into the hands of a liberal. The Church understands the sinful nature of man. The utopian will try to reeducate the 7 Deadly Sins out of me.
5) I am moved by your understanding of marriage as more about the children than about self fulfillment. The primacy of the family is so important. As you write, society has tried to weaken those links, especially utopian societies. Families cause problems in the smooth running of society. Those damn people have greater loyalty to their parents than to the State. Get rid of the family and people will move their loyalties to where they belong.
You mention in your books the underlying purpose of China’s one child policy. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. Loyalty is transferred to the State. In such regimes, children are praised for turning in their parents for disloyalty to the State.
In the US, we have laws that protect the sanctity of the family. For example, spouses cannot be compelled to testify against spouses. This law clearly places the interests of the family against the interests of the State.
We need to keep families strong as a guard against creeping statism.
6) You statement about the fluidity of sexual orientation is controversial but so true. Nowadays, it’s chic to be gay. I worry about what that means for our kids, especially boys.
In the past, young men may have engaged in gay sexual encounters, not because of any proclivities, but because it was available. Boys are looking for sex; girls for relationships. If girls were as ready for sex as boys, there would be no dating, just a quick hop in the sack. Two hormone-driven teenage boys may engage in an encounter because they’re both looking for sex. In the past, it was secret and a source of embarrassment. Now, it’s a lifestyle choice. Once it is mainstream, I think you will see more gay men, because it is easy for two gay men to find sex. These encounters will not, however, provide maturity.
I have always said that the sexual revolution promised happiness once we removed sexual inhibitions. Isn’t our society just jumping for joy?!?
Please keep up your excellent work. We need married Catholics like you explaining marriage and sexuality.
You can purchase CD’s of the talk here.