Keep up on her travels as she lets you know how things are going on speaking engagements around the country! www.twitter.com/DrJrobackmorse

Tip #77 from "101 Tips for a Happier Marriage: You can improve your marriage even if your spouse doesn't change a bit!"

Be grateful if your spouse is better at changing the subject than you are. Don't put him or her down for avoiding the issue. Changing the subject may be the most constructive thing you can do at this particular moment.

If an argument can't be avoided, there is a right time, and many wrong times to have it. For instance, in front of other people, when one has just arrived home from a long day at work, or when one or both of you are tired or hungry, are not the right times. Choose a moment when you are both well fed, well rested, and in a relatively good mood. No one enjoys having an argument, so choose a time when you can get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. If your spouse indicates that now is not the best time for him or her, wait until it is. You don't want the irritations of his or her day working against you too.

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More from Dr. J

Dr. J had a letter to the editor published in First Things magazine. My letter was in response to the article "Demographics & Depression" by David P. Goldman. Readers, now familiar with demographics and the sexual issues Dr. J talks about, will enjoy it:

"As much as I love David P. Goldman’s article, and as much as I agree with his analysis, I find it slightly amusing that he neglects to mention the most serious hindrance to demographic growth: sex. Sex is now considered a private recreational activity, with no moral or social significance. The default setting in this society is that sex is sterile. Childbearing is available as an optional lifestyle extra, if you happen to like that sort of thing.

We have built our entire social structure around these presumptions. Women are permitted to participate in the economic and educational systems as long as they agree to chemically neuter themselves until finishing graduate school and establishing careers.

The housing market, which Goldman addresses so eloquently, has been built on the assumption of two-income households. Add to high mortgage costs, the crushing college debt that many young people face, and it is small wonder that so many young couples feel themselves unable to start families. By the time they are financially prepared, a woman’s peak fertility is past her. Even if she wants a large family, it may well be out of her reach.

So, I would add the following to Goldman’s recommendations: The government should stop subsidizing contraception and comprehensive sex education. The contraceptive ideology is the linchpin of the whole sexual system. If people want contraception, they can pay for it themselves.

But for the government to promote the idea that sex in any circumstance is an entitlement, that all possible problems associated with sex can be contracepted away—this is not government neutrality. This is the government actively promoting a deeply flawed ideology, with many problems beyond the demographic winter Goldman so eloquently discusses.

The truth is that none of this was necessary. These attitudes toward sex were foisted upon us in the name of women’s freedom and gender equality. A more humane feminism, along the lines sketched by John Paul II, could have spared us, and may yet spare us, much grief."

This week's cool podcast: Some are more Equal than others... (Click the podcast icon.) Chai Feldblum is President Obama's pick to serve on the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.  Her views are making waves in the religious community because she has no tolerance for any objections to same-sex marriage, even in a religious and private context.  Dr. J and Todd Wilken meet to discuss the arising conflicts in this arena, and how churches are poised to lose out. Get new podcasts sent directly to your iPhone by clicking the rss feed link on the left side bar of the Ruth homepage.