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Female without Apology Hot off the airwaves we've got Dr. J's interview with Teresa Tomeo. On her show, Catholic Connection, they discussed Dr. J's appearance in Kalamazoo, Michigan, at the Catholic Women's Conference. At the time of this interview, Dr. J was about to give two talks there: "Marriage without Adjectives" and "Female without Apology." (Click the POD icon.)

Where in the world is Dr. J? Now you can find her with the Ruth Institute Calendar. Mark the dates she'll be near you on your calendar!

Lutheran Public Radio: Dr. J is usually on live on Tuesdays from 2-2:15 p.m. Pacific Time (Click the link to listen live or find a station near you.)

October 20: Radio show with Dennis O'Donovan 3:30-4:30 p.m. Eastern Time WLVJ AM 1040 Pompano Beach, FL

October 21: Sacramento, CA "Same Sex Marriage: Why Not?" 7-9:00 p.m. Open to the public! See flier with info here.

October 28: Duke University, North Carolina 

November 12-13: Princeton University, Love and Fidelity Conference. Dr. J's talk: "Marriage without Adjectives: Explaining Natural Marriage"

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Do you need advice on how to improve your marriage or relationship, or on how to find the right person for you? Expert Dr. J is here for you. Click here to ask your question, which may be featured anonymously in this newsletter for the benefit of all.

Read past questions and answers here.

Need help with your marriage? You can also check out Dr. J's "101 Tips for a Happier Marriage!"

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A young man at Rutgers University committed suicide. His roommate had filmed him having sex with another man, and posted that film on the internet. In the wake of this tragic incident, the question of electronic sexual harassment has become more urgent. This week’s quiz is about the phenomenon known as “sexting.” The term “sexting” can include sending suggestive photos, videos or messages
of yourself, receiving messages with images of someone you know, and receiving sexually suggestive messages that were originally intended for someone else. Such images can become the basis for harassment, teasing and bullying. At least two high-profile suicides of teen girls have been attributed to the fall-out from sexting.

So, how common is “sexting” among teens?

A. Less than 5%

B. 15%

C. 20%

D. 38%

Answer: The purpose of this quiz is to raise awareness among adults of just how common “sexting” is among teens. All of the answers are correct, depending on how you define sexting.

A. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, 4% of cell-phone owning teens between the ages of 12 and 17, say they have sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images or videos of themselves to someone else via text messaging.

B. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project, about 15% of cell-phone owning teens between the ages of 12 and 17 have received nude or nearly nude photos of someone they know on their cell phones.

C. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 20% of teens aged 13-19 have sent nude or nearly nude pictures or videos of themselves.

D. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 38% of teen girls and 39% of teen boys say they have had sexually suggestive text messages or emails—originally meant for someone else—shared with them.

The real kicker is this: according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s survey, fully 75% of teens believe that sending sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences.” In spite of this belief, teens continue to send such messages. I imagine this is because teens put the emphasis on “can have serious negative consequences.” Young people believe bad things happen to someone else, not to themselves.

Sex is no big deal? After the recent suicide of an American college student, how can anyone honestly say that?

by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse

After any suicide, the survivors search their souls for its meaning and what they might have done to prevent it. The recent tragedy of a young man diving off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate posted a sexual video of him is no exception. Advocates of greater acceptance of same sex sexual activity have seized upon this case as ammunition for their cause. But I believe viewing this incident through a wider lens will benefit young people generally, not just those who experience same sex attraction. For the last 40 years, adult society has steadily pummeled young people with the message that “sex is no big deal.” This case proves once and for all, that this claim is false. Adult society should stop sending this message, in all its forms.

Why did this promising young man kill himself? Evidently, he negotiated with this roommate to have the private use of their room for a sexual encounter with another guy. His roommate made a video of him engaged in sex and posted it on the internet. The young guy killed himself.

Now, if sex is really “just a normal bodily function,” why on earth would he be so distraught that he would end his life? Maybe he wasn’t embarrassed about the sexual act itself, only about the violation of his privacy. But what if his roommate had caught him in the act of picking his nose or going to the bathroom? It strains the imagination to believe that he would have killed himself over the display of these “normal bodily functions.” If sex is really “just a recreational activity,” would anyone kill himself over a video showing him playing baseball or checkers or video games?

Maybe he was afraid people would not accept him, that he would be teased, specifically because he was engaged in a homosexual act. But this assumes that students at a university like Rutgers actually care. Sex is no big deal, remember? Whether you’re doing it with a guy or a girl, no problem, as long as you both consent and you use “protection.”

Actually, this particular student killed himself before much teasing could even begin from this particular incident. But let’s say he was correct, and that he could reasonably anticipate sexual teasing. Parenthetically, let’s note that sexual teasing is not a specifically “gay” problem. Several girls have committed suicide over the teasing fallout from “sexting.” These girls endured months of teasing and harassment before they killed themselves.

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