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Action Item: The "101 Tips" is a sturdy little booklet and will make great stocking stuffers. Who says you're too old to give stockings to your grown children? But even unmarried people can benefit from the relationship advice within these tips. You can purchase copies for yourself, family members and friends here. 

Talking Point: Man/woman marriage allows children to know and be known by their biological parents. Same sex marriage separates children from at least one parent. Reason #2 from 77 Reasons to support man/woman marriage.

in SInC Dr. J appears on Issues, Etc to discuss the SInC (single income childless) phenomenon with Todd Wilken. They're discussing how it affects the choices women make and the career paths they take. (Click the POD icon.)

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Lutheran Public Radio: Dr. J is usually on live on Tuesdays from 2-2:15 p.m. Pacific Time (Click the link to listen live or find a station near you.)

Holiday Vacation Time!

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Happy Thanksgiving from the Ruth Institute!

Tip #86 from "101 Tips for a Happier Marriage"

Avoid statements like: "I did all the laundry. You owe it to me to do the dishes." These comparisons sound manipulative and invite retaliation as in, "Well, I took out the garbage, and you didn't." There is no end to that sort of thing. Give it up.

Perhaps a more subtle approach would be, "I'm so wiped out from doing all that laundry, and now the thought of tackling those dishes makes me want to scream. Could you please please help me?" Of course, you had better mean it. And an even better approach, where applicable, would be, "I'd really love to watch a movie with you tonight, but first the dishes need to be done. If you helped me, we could start the movie sooner." A helpful spouse is a loving spouse. Be willing to reciprocate when the occasion arises.

Want more marriage or relationship saving tips? Find all 101 here.

by William C. Duncan, director of  the Marriage Law Foundation, and a Ruth Institute Board Member 

Each November, our family puts up a blank poster board on which each member of the family can list the things they are grateful for. The list ranges from the confident handwriting of my wife to the shakier marks of the younger children who are tracing something written by an older sibling or parent (mine is closer to the latter). I have not see the phrase “lifelong love” on that poster, but it is always implicit—when “mom and dad” are listed or when my wife and I write each other’s names or when the brothers and sisters list each other. Our family is thankful for lifelong love.

I am thankful for lifelong love because it provides safety. I have always been grateful that my wife's and my relationship before marriage was built on a foundation of friendship before romance. The total commitment of marriage provides the safe space for both to put down deep roots and “deep roots are not touched by the frost.” (J.R.R. Tolkien) Self-giving and trust flourish in the safety of a full commitment to marriage. Knowing that you are in this thing together, for the duration, allows a measure of peace and security that just would not be possible if the relationship was fleeting. The commitment to the marriage itself provides safety for us but also for our children who can grow up in a home where, whatever the challenges, they will not have to worry about being abandoned or about having to navigate their parents’ disagreements in two different households.

I am thankful for lifelong love because it provides joy. Our commitment to marriage and to one another preceded all the unknowns that followed that commitment and which have made life a great adventure. The sad things we experience are tempered and the good things intensified by sharing them with one another. Both kinds of experiences multiplied for us as our family multiplied and children joined us. They have, in turn, multiplied the joy. Marriage promotes joy for me in another way. Knowing that people are depending on me makes me want to accomplish more, and to be more disciplined and courageous.

I don’t think I can ever be grateful enough for my wife. A few months before we were engaged, I heard a paraphrase of Mark Twain’s Adam speaking of Eve that applies here: “Wherever she was, there was paradise.” (Jeffrey R. Holland) That’s true of my children as well. I’m thankful to know that our family’s commitment to lifelong love means we “shall but love [each other] better after death.” (Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

We want to know why YOU are thankful for lifelong love. Leave your message on our facebook page for the 'Reel' Love Challenge!

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